


Tumultuous Waters

by wordsthatbeginwithz



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, References to Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsthatbeginwithz/pseuds/wordsthatbeginwithz
Summary: Sea Hawk has Feelings about Mermista ditching him for her friends, and decides to tell her. It doesn't go well.
Relationships: Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 21





	1. If I Was A Fountain

**Author's Note:**

> I ran out of SeaMista fanfiction to read, so I thought I should be the fanfiction I want to see in the world. This takes place after the snow episode, where Sea Hawk is moping about Mermista cancelling plans, and not wanting to bring him to hang with her friends. Hope you enjoy! My plan is to continue this on to an eventual happy ending in line with canon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter named after[ this song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g52J9E_JW98) _(But if I was a season, would you catch me when I fall? / And if I gave you everything, would you just take it all?)_

Mermista was just about to find out if the Merqueen committed the murder in _Mer-Mysteries: Shadows of Atlantis_ , when she heard footsteps out in the hallway. She groaned dramatically, why did the guard have to interrupt her now? But when she looked up from her book, she saw Sea Hawk opening the door and… not saying anything? She didn’t think he had entered the palace quietly once in his entire life.

She set her book down, “Okay. What’s wrong with you.”

Sea Hawk ran his hand through his hair, and leaned up against the door frame. Apparently he wasn’t coming in. He always invited himself in.

“Listen, Mermista, I’ve been thinking about it, and, well, I've been okay with this little uh, understanding we have. You can tell people whatever you’d like about what I am to you, but I --,” he drew himself up a little higher, and she caught a glimpse of the Seahawk she knew. “I will not be hidden away like stolen cargo!”

“Um, what,” she said, relieved it was just him being dramatic. “Is this about me cancelling? Look, I’m sorry okay, but that party sounded somewhat cool, so.”

“You could have let me come with you, I’ll have you know I’m excellent at parties. I’m starting to think…” he trailed off, but tried again louder, “Mermista, I’m starting to think you don’t want me to meet your friends.”

“Sea Hawk, you’ve already met my friends. Don’t you remember the Dolphin Social, that you ruined.”

“Ruined?! I simply brought excitement! Daring exploits! Adventure! ” he said. “That’s what I do. Create stories! Everyone was talking about it for months!”

“Yeah, sometimes people don’t want stories, Sea Hawk, sometimes they just want to enjoy their dumb, boring party.”

“That may be so, but Mermista, if you want to be with me, you’ll have to let me hang out with you and your friends sometimes, you know.”

“Ugh, I don’t _have_ to though.”

“Dearest, you are the most beautiful being to ever grace the surface of Etheria, I would sail to the moons and bring them back for you if you just said the word. But all I ask is for you to not act like I’m your dirty secret.” He paused and looked away, “I-- I deserve better than that.”

Mermista closed her mouth as soon as she’d realized it had dropped open. She’d kind of thought he’d be cool with like, whatever. Didn’t he know how embarrassing he was to bring out in public? She really thought they’d been working, couldn’t he see that they’d been working? Things had been ~~perfect~~ fine just the two of them tucked away in her room, re-enacting Mer Mysteries by the fireplace, where no one knew. Why couldn’t they do that forever?

But he was right. He deserved better.

She swallowed. “Okay,” she said, trying to sound certain even though some weird stupid part of her was almost sad. But it was fine. It was all fine. It wasn’t like she cared anyway. She’d known when they got back together it probably couldn’t last. She’d just forgotten that for a second was all. “I guess we’re broken up then.”

“Mermista, I--” he started, but she flicked her hand at him.

“You can leave now.”

She picked up her book again, so she didn’t have to watch him walk out with hunched shoulders, head to the floor like a kicked puppy. Ugh, why did all these feelings have to get involved? They were supposed to just be having fun, why did he have to go and ruin that?

But it wasn’t like, that big of a deal or anything, she told herself. She had only kept him around because he was entertaining and it could be so boring being royalty sometimes.

Only then, why was her face wet? 

"I just have something in my eyes," she said, rubbing at them harshly, even though the room was empty, and no one was there to see her performance. 


	2. Leave Her, Johnny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Sea Hawk processes things dramatically and perhaps his friends didn’t think all that much of his ‘grand romance’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re up for some mood music or just into real life shanties, the chapter’s named for the song [ Leave Her, Johnny, Leave Her](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiwJpFsicUg) _(The wind was foul and the sea ran high / Leave her, Johnny, leave her)._

“Oh, Bill!” Seahawk flopped his entire body across the bar dramatically. “Where did it all go wrong, Bill?” 

The burly man next to Sea Hawk just patted him on the back, saying nothing and sipping his beer.

Seahawk turned over so his back was against the bar. “I really lost her this time, Bill, it’s all over.” 

The man rolled his eyes. 

“Did you,” Seahawk paused in his woe for a second to be offended. “Did you just roll your eyes at me? I am in _terrible pain,_ my friend.”

“You two’ll get back together,” Bill grunted.

“This is the fourth time she’s broken up with you,” the bartender pointed out.

“But, lads, this time is different, this time…,” he clutched a fist to his chest, closing his eyes. “This time _I_ broke up with her.” 

Bill spit out his beer, soaking Sea Hawk’s shirt. But Sea Hawk couldn’t be bothered to care. This was his life now. Alone. Bereft. Soaking in a pool of watery beer. Forever without his love, his light, his jewel of the ocean.

“Wow, didn’t think he had it in him,” Bill told the bartender.

“Well, I suppose _technically_ she broke up with me. But I said I deserved better! I basically told her we should end it, in different words,” Sea Hawk flung his arm over his face. “What an idiot I am! I should count myself lucky to so much as kiss the ground she walks on! I should be thanking her for whatever mere crumbs she deems me worthy of taking.” 

“Ah, fuck her,” said Bill. “Just another pretentious noble.” 

“What?!” Sea Hawk said, finding a scrap of strength to sit up on the bar and look Bill in the eye. “ _Just_ a _pretentious_ noble? I can’t -- My good sir, you don’t know Mermista like I do. I would never bad mouth her like that just to soothe my aching soul. My beloved graces every room she walks into with her shining presence!” 

“Better stop calling her ‘your beloved’ if you want to get over her,” the bartender said.

Sea Hawk looked to the bartender in shock. The thought hadn’t occurred to him that he might, at some point, have to talk about her like she was _just some woman._ Pretend to the world that he had not seen the face of perfection. Lie that the very sight of her didn’t set his heart aflame! Knowing she’d never hold him again in her arms was nothing compared to having to see her as just a -- a, fellow citizen? It was too much to bear.

“You’re always in here complaining about how something she said or done has ‘mortally wounded’ you,” the bartender continued. “Good riddance, I say.” 

“Good riddance?” Sea Hawk repeated the words slowly, unable to comprehend them.

“And when have we ever seen her come down here, all these times you two were dating,” Bill said. “Like I said, stuck-up royalty, like the rest of them. Too good for Seaworthy unless they need something. But it’s better this way, we’re not meant to mix with those folks. Can’t have them poking around down here ‘case they find something they shouldn’t.” 

“She came down here that one time when she needed --” 

“Yeah. When she needed something. Listen to yourself. She’s just been using you. Using you for a warm bed and a good time. But as soon as the going gets rough, her type will throw you to the sharks. It’s not like you could end up together anyway. She’ll probably go off and marry some prince or noble. Buck up, Sea Hawk, you do deserve better than that.” 

“No, it wasn’t like that,” Sea Hawk said weakly.

“Yeah? When has she acted like she cares about you?”

Of course she had, Sea Hawk thought, racking his brain desperately, trying to find something. Sometimes the way that she looked at him, her face red or eyes alight, the way her smile softened when she thought no one saw, the way she curled into him at night, the way she insulted him even, it had all made him think… 

But he couldn’t remember once where she said she’d cared about him, liked him even. He was always “embarrassing”, or “a lot”, or “the worst”. It all seemed in jest, but look how easily she gave up on them when he asked one thing of her. She’d cast him out of her chambers without a second glance. How could he have deceived himself for so long about what they really were? He slid off the bar without a word and crumbled to the floor, burying his head in his hands. 

The bartender and Bill exchanged a look. 

“I can’t believe I actually feel bad for the guy,” the bartender said. “Okay, Sea Hawk,” he called out, “One more free ‘heartbreak beer’, on the house. But that’s it.” 

“I’ll take it on the floor,” Sea Hawk said, voice breaking.

He cradled the tankard Bill passed down to him. “I do deserve better,” he said quietly, trying to reassure himself. The words rang hollow now. He’d just wanted to talk to her. That’s what Bow had said, _Why don’t you just talk to her?_ How had this happened? It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. What a fool he’d been to think they could work it out. Someone as perfect as Mermista could easily find someone who made no demands of her. 

* * *

Two days later and the bartender’s sympathy was running out. He’d dragged Sea Hawk up by the shirt from his new spot under the bar. “Alright, Sea Hawk. Either you get up off this floor and be sad _quietly_ , without singing all these breakup songs, or take your tears somewhere else. You’re bringing all of us down. Find someone else to fuck, and _move. On.”_

Sea Hawk left the port that night, alone. 

* * *

By the time Sea Hawk finished his dramatic three month head-clearing voyage across the waters of Etheria -- where he fought off all manner of monsters and revenge-seeking pirates, breaking records and committing daring feats that mere mortals could only imagine -- only half his songs were still about heartbreak. 

Some days, he even managed to forget what he’d lost. He’d be standing at the front of a boat, wind ruffling through his hair, waves crashing around him, thinking does life get any better than this? On days when the sun was shining and handsome sailor boys worked shirtless on the docks as he sailed into port on a smoldering ship, he thought maybe he could be okay with the fact this new good life didn’t include Mermista. Some days, he could accept that while she’d been one of his great loves, he hadn’t been hers.

“Boys, I’m back!” Sea Hawk announced, banging open the Seaworthy tavern doors. A few people glanced up before turning back to their beers and conversations. No matter, he knew they had missed him terribly.

“I’ve heard you’re the go to guy for navigating the route to Salineas,” someone said from behind him. Just the mention of the watery kingdom and Sea Hawk felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. 

“Not anymore, the princess and I had a bit of a, uh, falling out,” Sea Hawk said. 

“What, you’re not going there anymore because you’re scared of some princess.” 

“Not scared, just --” 

“Guess I might as well go find someone braver, then.” 

Sea Hawk whirled around, puffing up his chest, to face the man who dared question his honor, "You won’t find anyone in this bar braver than old Sea Hawk!” 

The man, long-haired and eye-patched, stepped toward him, so close now Sea Hawk could feel his hot breath on his face and smell hops and earthy sweat. “Prove it then.”

Sea Hawk blinked. The man’s good eye was the most delicious shade of orange he'd ever seen, like sunset on a dusty day, or fire crackling across timbers. 

Making a quick decision, Sea Hawk gestured wildly with his finger, “Alright!” He and Mermista were ex’s again now. _Real_ ex’s this time. But there was no reason they couldn’t be cordial. And he could just ignore the fact that even thinking the word cordial felt like a knife through the chest.

“I’ll take you.”


	3. Love You So Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Mermista processes things differently, but equally as dramatically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s named for [Love You So Bad ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpLU3J8LAHk) _(I know the past is the past / Then again, the present's nothing without it / I feel fine, don't even feel sad about it)._
> 
> Not sure if the timeline at the start of this chapter is going to be confusing, but if it is, just bear with me for a minute.

“Ugh, this is so fucking corny _,_ ” Mermista said, walking up to the metal fence that guarded the entrance to the Tunnel of Love ride. Sea Hawk was on the other side, grinning from ear to ear. From here, she could already see the multitude of tiny flickering lights packed into the boat. Was there even room left for them? 

Sea Hawk unlocked the gate for her with a dramatic flourish, bowing her in like she was royalty. Only she _was_ royalty, so she was kind of over it. He gestured out to the artificial river in front of them. “So, what do you think?” 

“It’s... _something_ ,” she said. 

“Something _magnificent_! A shining beacon of romance!” In one motion he swept her off her feet and into his arms. An embarrassing gasp came out of her mouth before she could stop it. She’d been expecting him to just grab her hand or something, like a normal person. Although Sea Hawk wasn’t exactly normal. Would she be here if he was?

He deposited her smoothly into the boat, scooting lit candles out of his way to sit down.

“Onward!” he said, leaning over the side to pull a lever. 

The boat started with a jerk. Mermista tensed for a moment, waiting for the candles perched on the back to cascade down onto her. “This is like _so_ unsafe,” she said. “Who let you do this?”

“Oh, my friend, Jim. He works here,” Sea Hawk said. “And never fear! I’ve done this plenty of times before with nary a single singed hair on my head.” 

“You _have?”_ Why did that surprise her? 

“Well, no, but I thought it might reassure you.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, looking over at her with such fondness she thought she might puke. Or kiss him. One of those things. The jury was still out. 

They drifted slowly into the tunnel, an artificial waterfall gleaming at the end, reflecting distant light. 

“So do we like, make out now, or what?”

“That impatient to get your hands on me?” he said with a wink. “Just a moment longer, my sweet.” 

“ _O-_ kay,” she looked off into the badly painted black wall. She hadn’t expected a date with Sea Hawk to be boring, but here they were, floating like one entire inch per minute.

As they approached the wall of water, the cascade stopped just as Mermista flicked her hand to part it.

“And here we are!” Sea Hawk proclaimed, gesturing out to the scene in front of them.

Through the archway where the fake waterfall had been, the ride opened up into a round domed room. Tiered platforms lined the canal, dotted with painfully fake trees and woodland creatures. And filling every flat surface, and some that seemed less than flat, were what must have been hundreds of tiny candles, somehow bathing the cavern in blue and green light. 

“Um. Okay. Wow, I guess.” she blinked. “How long did this take you?” 

“Only an hour or two.” 

When she looked over at him, his eyes were so big and black it felt like she was falling into them. “Oh.” God, she couldn’t believe this sappy shit was really working on her. She could already feel her face getting hot. That was probably just all the fire, though. 

But damn, if he didn’t look good, the candlelight and shadows dancing across his face. Beaming like he was the first person to ever discover candles or something. 

As he leaned towards her, smile softening, she tilted her head up to meet his, eyes closing. She felt something inside of her falling into place. His lips brushed right past hers, gliding up her jaw and around the curve of her ear, where he whispered something quietly. 

“ _What?_ ” she flinched back from him. Her eyes flew open again. Her own shocked voice echoed off the water around her. 

He was looking her dead in the eyes, face unreadable. 

The scene around her was starting to blur. 

“I said, _I deserve better than you,_ Mermista.” 

Hazes of dimly lit colors dripped down across her vision, until she couldn’t see anything, not even his face inches from her own. Everything felt like it was getting hotter. Was this the part where the boat went down in flames? Wait no, wasn’t he supposed to kiss her first? This wasn’t right, this had all already happened, but not like this. Why was she crying? 

She was in her room now and Sea Hawk was walking away -- no, this wasn’t right either. That was months ago. 

She forced her eyes open, swimming up out of her dream, and found herself in her own bed, smothered under mounds of blankets.

“Just a dream,” she muttered to herself, sinking deeper into the comforters. “Just. A. Dream.”

It wasn’t like she’d actually cared about the breakup in real life or anything. It was just her stupid sleep brain playing tricks on her. She wasn’t some heartbroken teenager. 

Besides she was too busy to even think about him, fighting this _actual war._ It was better this way. She could focus on saving the entire world, _basically_ single-handedly. Sea Hawk had just been distracting. That was like, his whole thing. 

* * *

Only the dreams didn’t freaking stop. And okay maybe sometimes when she didn’t fill her day with enough things to do, he’d pop into her head. (Didn’t he know he was _unwanted there?_ ) And the days kept passing. Not that she was keeping count or anything. But if she _had_ been keeping count she’d know it had been months. Three months.

Sure, she’d _said_ they were breaking up. But like, he always came back. He was Sea Hawk, that’s what he did. He took her shit and came back smiling. Nothing bothered him for very long. Part of her had expected him to be back in Salineas already, making dumb heart eyes at her. 

_I deserve better than that._ So he’d finally gone and grown a pair. Only she’d never meant to put him in a spot where he needed to. It just happened that way somehow. 

And everything was all dull and quiet now without him dropping in. It seemed like every day she wasn’t out fighting, all there was to do was wander around the castle, sighing, like the perfect murder victim right before the serial killer shows up. She felt ridiculous. She would _not_ be the type of woman to pine over some _man._

At least there were more people around now, compared to back when the Sea Gate was failing, but they were so boring. It was all _your majesty_ this _,_ and _my liege_ that. And _we have another 10 billion pounds of forms for you to sign, your highness._

Even charades the other night felt half hearted, and if she was the princess of anything, it was of charades. No one could top her dramatic motions, her quick adaptations when someone was too much of an idiot to understand her. But the whole time they'd been playing, all she could think of was that one night where she’d been lying across Sea Hawk’s chest, drunk, making shadow puppets up on the wall and trying to convince him her shadow unicorn was really a narwhale, so _actually_ he’d guessed wrong, and those neighing sounds she’d been illustrating with, that was just what narwhals sounded like. _Don’t question me on this, I’m a mermaid, so I would know._

She lost the game of charades. 

Okay, so maybe she missed him a little. It was just, what if he didn’t come back this time? Was this just her life now, forever?

Really, what she was trying to say, dear reader, is that she needed something to feel fucking _alive._ The only time that happened lately was when she was beating people up with water jets. And people to beat up with water jets weren’t always around when you needed them.

All of this had made a lot more sense in her head when she was back in all the palace, tired of Sea Hawk atop burning boats rowing his way across her brain, and wondering what it was about arson that made him light up like that. 

It had seemed like a reasonable plan when she’d been hoisting herself up onto a boat, holding a canister of Millie’s Magic Firestarting Liquid and the waterproof matches Sea Hawk left behind in her night stand drawer. 

Except apparently she forgot the part where everything would be on fire around her. It had looked cool for a moment **,** the way the flames crawled their way across the floor planks and up the mast, eating away at the sail. But then the next thing she knew there were clouds of soot and angry orange flames everywhere she looked and there wasn’t any air left in her lungs. She reached out to try and grab the water below her, she’d just douse the entire boat in a tidal wave -- but she couldn’t find it. She couldn’t think. Even her mind was filling with the smoke. She couldn’t feel anything besides the glass shards in her chest and the blistering heat on her skin. With a _crack,_ a flaming pole fell down from the mast just inches behind her. She was going to be _pissed_ if this was how she died.

Stumbling forward blindly, she collided with the sturdy wood of the boat’s railing. _Thank god._ No breath left for a sigh of relief, she let herself tumble over the side, down into the harbor below. The water closed over around her **,** blissfully cool.

She swam away, dragging herself up onto the dock father down. Her chest heaved up and down. She laid back, trying to expel the smokey feeling from her lungs. And then she was laughing, eyes still burning. God, what had she been _thinking_? She glanced over beside her, not realizing what she was doing until she felt a flash of disappointment. For second she’d almost thought this was one of those dreams that she woke up smiling from. Ah, well. This wasn’t bad, now that she wasn’t almost dying. She leaned back on her arms to watch the flames climb higher, filling the empty night sky. It was actually sort of beautiful. 

From the distance, she could hear someone shouting. _“Hey!”_

A man was running down the docks toward her. 

Shit. 

“That’s my _goddamn boat!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mermista: I could do some self reflection, maybe try out using my actual words. Or. I could BURN A BOAT.


	4. Shippin' Out for The Mainland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, dudes are just being bros, smuggling some goods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter named from the song [Mainland ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jId7S57N6Kg) _(This ship will happen / She got the best captain / An old salt from the mainland / Ye ever bin ta sea (yes indeed) / Hangin' on the breeze / Full sail to the mainland)_

“So, what’s this job?” Sea Hawk said, sitting back in his chair and looking at the man across from him, recently introduced as Falcon. Which, Sea Hawk considered, was possibly one of the best names he’d ever heard. It was difficult to get much cooler than being named after a bird of prey. 

“Silks. Stolen, so if anyone asks, you’re taking me out there for tourism.”

“Of course,” Sea Hawk said. “After all, it’s no wonder you would enlist my services -- you won’t find a better tour guide than me. I can tell thrilling tales of adventure for every corner of the kingdom, most of them true.” Only, he realized, his heart dropping, so many of them were intertwined with his sweet Mermista. Could he really bring himself to edit her out of them? He’d rather rip out his own heart. But perhaps his heart needed ripping out.

He tried to refocus his attention on the handsome man in front of him, who wasn’t actively breaking his heart, a quality he appreciated in a person. 

“So,” Sea Hawk asked. “Do you have a crew you’re bringing along too? Or will it just be,” he raised an eyebrow seductively, although perhaps a little halfheartedly, “Just the two of us.” 

“Just the two of us.” Falcon smiled, but in a way that Sea Hawk couldn’t tell if his infamous and irresistible -- if a bit rusty -- charms were working or not. “I lost my last crew awhile back.” 

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that,” Sea Hawk said, resting his hand somberly on his chest. 

“Don’t be,” Falcon said, waving his hand dismissively. “They had it coming.” 

Sea Hawk’s eyebrows shot up. “Had  _ what _ coming?” Had he  _ killed  _ his crew? Didn’t he know the bond between sailors' adventuring together was sacred, that while pirates may live beyond the law that did not mean they had no honor? To kill one of your crewmates was to abandon all morals entirely and render the sea a virtual lawless wasteland. Sea Hawk started plotting a heroic escape out the back, for his conveniently timed trip ‘to the bathroom’.

“I marooned them,” Falcon shrugged, as casual as if he were talking about yesterday’s lunch.

“You marooned your  _ whole crew _ ?” Sea Hawk forgot all thoughts of his daring escape. He couldn’t possibly pass up a story as good as this. “I didn’t even know that was a thing one could do.” 

“There were only three of them, not as impossible as it sounds.” 

“So, what happened?” 

“They tried to kill me after they weren’t happy with their equal cut,” said Falcon. “Thought I was hiding away some of the profits.” 

“Were you?” Sea Hawk said **,** fascinated by this terrifyingly attractive man.

“You think that little of me?” Falcon asked, his eyes darkening.

“I, well --,” Sea Hawk sputtered. He’d really botched this, hadn’t he? 

Falcon laughed, losing his dangerous expression. “Relax, I’m joking. You don’t even know me. If it’s any consolation, I don’t trust you either.”

Sea Hawk gasped loudly. What a thing to say! “You don’t-- Why wouldn’t you trust me? I’ll have you know I am a man of honor and principle! Just ask anyone here,” Sea Hawk said, sweeping his arm out to the rest of the bar. “And what’s more, I’ll have you know I thought you seemed like a reasonable fellow before you started in with this ‘trust no one business’ and talked about marooning your crew. Even now I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt! I can’t even begin to imagine the excruciating pain of going through life like that, eyeing every colleague suspiciously, waiting for each new friend to betray you. You should give people more credit, my friend.”

“Is that right?” Falcon said. “And here I believed Orion over there when he said you were a pirate.” 

Was he  _ trying  _ to offend Sea Hawk?

“I  _ am  _ a pirate,” Sea Hawk said. “Bitter and jaded were not a requirement in the job description the last time _I_ checked.” 

“All the pirates  _ I _ know are ready to slit someone’s throat if we think it means we might get another dollar,” Falcon smiled. “And know to expect as much from the rest of us.” 

“Clearly, you’re associating with the wrong sorts of pirates,” Sea Hawk said. “ _ I’m  _ not one to run around slitting people’s throats, unless absolutely necessary. Never unprovoked. Why, I'm living proof that pirates can exercise virtuous restraint.” 

“Oh, a gentleman pirate,” the man said. Only Sea Hawk wasn’t sure it was a compliment, from the way Falcon was smirking at him.

But Sea Hawk decided to plow on confidently anyway, “I  _ am,  _ thank you very much. But I will admit, I am a little concerned that you seem to think backstabbing friends is a normal thing to do. It makes me think perhaps I should worry for the health of my own back.” 

“No need,” Falcon said. “I don’t make a habit of trying to kill who I’m working with, unless they fuck me over first. Keep to all the boy scout honor talk, and you’ll have nothing to worry about.” 

* * *

Falcon’s boat turned out to be a unique and magnificent feat of craftsmanship. Sea Hawk looked up in admiration at the lean sails, in angular geometric shapes he’d never seen on a ship before, so tall that it seemed almost a miracle that whole thing did not topple over from their size. Barely bulkier than a racing boat, Sea Hawk could already tell she would fly over the water with breathtaking ease **.** He couldn’t wait to get his hands on her.

“She’s marvelous,” Sea Hawk said, setting down the box he’d been carrying, to run his hands over the perfectly sculpted hull.

Falcon appeared above Sea Hawk, leaning over the railing to talk to him. “Isn’t she? I inherited her from my uncle. Never had anyone catch me in this thing.” 

“She does look like she’s built for speed. Does this stunning beauty have a name?” 

“The Celeste, for my grandmother. But I painted over the name a couple years ago after someone flagged her name at a couple ports.” 

“What a tragedy, to have to cover up that history for the sake of secrecy,” Sea Hawk said.  **“** Are you from a sailing family? I myself was raised with the very splashing of the sea and creaking of timbers as my childhood lullabies, swinging from the rigging before I could walk on my own two feet.”

Falcon laughed, “You can’t say anything concisely, can you?”

“Concisely? Concise has nothing to do with it. I merely wish to speak in a way that does justice to this stunning world we occupy! To the beauty of the rolling amber waves of the sea, the terrifying tales of adventure, the gleaming eyes of my… the people around me,” Sea Hawk said. “I will not censor myself just for the sake of brevity!”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” Falcon said, jumping down over the railing to the dock a couple feet below. “Makes for better company.” 

“Oh, well,” Sea Hawk said, a bit surprised, but recovering smoothly. “Thank you. I’m glad to see my poetic inclinations are being properly appreciated. But, we were talking about your family?” 

“My family? Oh, my uncle was the only sailor. He was a pirate too, died young, like the best of us. My parents always thought he was going to be a bad influence on me.” Falcon gave him a wicked grin. “I guess they were right.”

He picked up the box sitting next to Sea Hawk, “Now come on and hurry up. I want to be in Salinas by tonight.”

* * *

With each passing hour that they got closer to the seaside kingdom, Sea Hawk could feel his stomach drop lower. But even as the dread built, he was starting to dream of his princess. He can’t help it, he still craves the very sight of her. He’d been trying to move forward, onward from this chapter of his life, but there’s a part of him whispering to him that just hearing her sweet sardonic voice again will make him whole. What will he does if he sees her? As strong as Sea Hawk might be, he knows at the sight of her, any resolve he’s found might dissolve in his hands, and he just might crumble into her arms once again if she’d have him. 

But resist he  _ must.  _ He can’t take being shattered into pieces yet again, as always seemed to happen. This time was supposed to be the end. It was up to him now to shape a new start from here with out revisiting the old highlight reels. 

This trip had come too soon. He wasn't ready yet. But then again, whole lifetime wouldn’t be enough time to forget his dearest Mermista. No other woman could ever match her perfection, and no other woman could match her ability to break him in two. 

He should have never agreed to go to Salineas **.**

“You looking fucking tense,” Falcon said from behind him.

Sea Hawk looked at the other man, startled. He’d forgotten he wasn’t alone. “Oh, yes, well, I suppose I may be a little distracted.” He paused. “The Princess Mermista -- the princess of Salineas, she happens to be a former, uh, paramour of mine. This may be my first time seeing her since, well…” 

“You fucked the Princess of Salineas?” Falcon said. “I’m impressed.” 

Sea Hawk winced at the implication. “You make it sound so casual.” 

But it seemed that’s how everyone had seen it. A cruel awakening, to be sure. All he wanted was to go back to before, to that ignorant bliss, when he could throw himself at Mermista’s feet, and at her ‘alright, fine’, he could believe it was because deep down, beneath all the sarcasm and coolness she truly cared. 

Falcon laughed, “Oh, are you one of those people who prefers ‘making love’.”

“No, well, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I just... I cared about her.” 

“Ah. And she didn’t.”

Sea Hawk, stared out the water in front of them. “Something like that, I suppose. But it seemed so real at the time.” 

“It always does,” Falcon said, his voice soft now. It was maybe the first moment of actual sympathy anyone had given Sea Hawk since Mermista had brutally shattered Sea Hawk’s heart. “Maybe you need something to distract you.”

“I probably could, do you have any in--” When Sea Hawk looked over at the other man, he found him  _ much  _ closer than he’d been before.

“ _Oh,”_ Sea Hawk says, eyes falling to the other man’s mouth, curved up into a half smile. So Sea Hawk’s infamous and irresistible -- if a bit rusty -- charms _had_ worked. Of course they had, he’d never doubted himself for a minute. “You know, I think you just might be onto something.” 

And for a minute he managed to forget about his princess. 


	5. Every You, Every Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Mermista has a couple awkward conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter named for [Every You, Every Me ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSvkfy3ddrk) _(Like the naked leads the blind / I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind / Sucker love, I always find / Someone to bruise and leave behind / All alone in space and time / There's nothing here but what here's mine)_

It took a lot to get the owner of that boat to chill out. 

She’d managed to lose him by diving into the water and swimming away, but it turned out as the only mermaid and princess in Salineas she was kind of recognizable. 

He’d showed up at her palace the next day all _‘why did you burn down my boat’_ and demanding she paid for it. Which was, like, fair. But also annoying. Dealing with the consequences of her own actions was the _worst._

What made it even worse, was that when he was walking out, grumbling about how he’d thought ‘all the damn boat burning business ended when the last arsonist got lost’, all she could think was, what did ‘get lost’ mean?

So help her, she hated herself for it, but she told him to wait. And she shouldn’t ask, but heard it coming out of her mouth anyway. “Does this other arsonist have a stupid bird name, by any chance?”

“Huh, figures all you vandals would all know each other.” 

“What did you mean by ‘got lost’?” She said slowly, trying to make it sound confident. 

“What’s it to you?” 

“Do you want to leave or not?” God, this man was being annoying when she was going out on a _really_ uncomfortable limb here. 

“Haven't seen him in local ports, far as I know, no one except me’s had their boat go up in flames in awhile. We’re all hoping he finally blew himself up.”

“Since when,” Mermista said, clearing her throat. “He’s been gone since when?” 

_God you’re pathetic,_ the words swirled around and around in her brain, _why are you like this. Shut_ up. _You broke up with him. You_ don’t _get to care anymore._

The man glared at her like _he_ was the royalty here. Normally she would have given back what he gave tenfold, striking fear into his heart because she _could,_ but she didn’t have it in her today. All of a sudden, she was feeling self-conscious.

She shouldn’t have stopped him. 

“Awhile, May, April, maybe,” the guy said. “Now if you don’t mind I’m going leave this shit kingdom, if you will please let me out.” 

She waved her hand at the guards, barely registering the spew of insults he was muttering as he walked away.

So Sea Hawk hadn’t been around the ports since the breakup. Which was sort of weird, since she figured this was the only one he might stop coming to. But it was fine. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. Maybe he took a break from sailing. But even as she thought it, she knew he wouldn’t give up sailing any more than she’d give up her own tail

Could that annoying man really be right? Was _that_ why he hadn’t come back yet? Was that why he wasn’t leaping into her chamber singing some stupid song about her _undying enternal unmatched beauty_ , or whatever

Had he gone and fucking _died?_

* * *

But she knew. She _knew_ he probably wasn’t dead. He might be stupid, but making it this far in life without getting himself killed, surely, that meant he was doing something right. 

But what if.

What if the last thing she said to him was _you can leave now._

What if the last thing she’d done to him was make him look like he had when walking out of the palace. 

But she knew there was a way to could get answers. Or her one answer. The only one she needed. That he was alive, and then she could go back to _never thinking about him._

She just had to ask. Even thinking about it made her feel nauseous. She’d spent the last few months lying to everyone when they asked how Sea Hawk was, which, okay, she did feel a _little_ bad about. But she’d been like super vague, so she probably wasn’t even wrong. She hadn’t wanted to deal with all the _questions,_ if she told them something even close to the truth. Someone might have asked her how she was _feeling._ And she could not deal with that right now. She was supposed to be saving Etheria, not having slumber parties talking about crushes and break-ups and braiding each others’ hair.

Only now it’s awkward, because she managed to corner Bow -- who seemed like he’d ask the fewest questions -- without everyone noticing, and now she has to actually say something. But where does she even start? What is there to say? How does she say she’s had no clue where he’s been for months, and hadn’t wanted anyone to know? 

_‘I just want to know if that guy I sorta_ ~~_like_~~ _liked, who was basically in love with me is okay, not because I care, but because he likes setting things on fire, and no one has seen him in months, and is that why he didn’t come back, because he died in one of his ‘blazes of glory’’?_

She couldn’t say _that._

So she stood there, searching for the words, trying to look intimidating so he would know that she doesn’t fuck with feelings.

“So, uh, Mermista,” Bow said, rubbing his neck. “What did you want to talk about?” 

“I want,” she searched for the best _cool_ way to say it, that showed what an uncaring badass she was. But she just… couldn’t. With a sigh, she lost her terse tone. “I need to know if Sea Hawk’s okay, alright? I haven’t -- someone told me they haven’t seen him in months, and I actually haven’t either. So I figured you might know if he was like, dead or something.”

“Oh, yeah I’ve… I’ve heard from him. A few weeks ago,” Bow said, looking around the room, everywhere but at her.

Oh. He _definitely_ already knew. 

“He told you. didn’t he?” 

“Yeah,” Bow said, apologetically. “He had, uh, a lot to say about it.” 

“How, uh, was he?” Mermista felt lame even saying it. 

“I mean, he seemed...okay?” Bow’s voice pitched up in a way that suggested maybe he wasn’t so okay. “But it was just a letter, I haven’t seen him, or anything.” 

“A _letter?_ " Why, oh why, was her first thought that he’d never sent _her_ a letter before. 

“Novel might be a better word,” said Bow, braving an uncomfortable chuckle. “It was 48 pages. Adora counted.” 

So they’d all known. And she’d looked like a goddamn idiot and liar saying Sea Hawk was “fine” and “busy with stuff” all the time.

And he’d written 50 freaking pages. Which okay, was pretty typical of Sea Hawk. But did he really have that many thoughts about it? She knew he’d be sad, but he wasn’t supposed to get bent out of shape about it. He was Sea Hawk, he bounced back. And this was just what they did. What she did. What she kept doing to him. 

And fuck, now she was thinking about it all over again. Picturing how he’d looked walking out of her room that night, and as hard as she tried, she couldn’t wipe it away. She hated her own brain _so much_ lately. Was that what he’d been like all these months? She never meant to hurt him. Not like that. It seemed like all this time they’d known each other, she always found some way to hurt his feelings. If they’d stayed together, it would have just kept happening. There was always going to be something. She just wasn’t cut out for real relationships. And Sea Hawk didn’t know the meaning of the word casual. But, god, she’d never forgive herself if this broke him. 

“Uh, are you okay?” Bow said, reaching out to her tentatively. “Do you maybe want a hug or something?” 

Mermista slapped his hand away. This conversation was humiliating enough already. “So all that was really just about the breakup?” 

“Only like, 15 pages?” Bow said.

“Oh, right,” something in Mermista felt like it was dying a quiet death.

15 was better. 15 seemed like a normal amount for Sea Hawk being dramatically sad for a hot second. It was understandable if he’d been a little sad. So why did the idea that he might be working through it and getting over her hurt so much? 

“I wasn’t going to say anything. You kinda seemed like you didn’t want to talk about it, the way you’ve been dodging anyone’s questions about Sea Hawk.” 

“Oh yeah. Uh thanks, I guess. Whatever.”

“And Mermista?” Bow said, tentatively. 

“What?” She clenched her fist. She needed to get out of here. 

“Maybe it’s not my place,” Bow said. “But was it really so hard to invite Sea Hawk to things?”

“You don’t understand. It’s not that _simple_ ,” Mermista didn’t realize she’d yelled the last word until she heard her voice echoing back off the tiled floors. 

“Isn’t it?” 

* * *

The pit in Mermista’s stomach followed her back to Salineas. The whole way home, she tried to outswim the feelings, these thoughts that kept threatening to break down her carefully crafted walls, until she was going so fast that the river felt like knives against her skin. 

Not even bothering to remove the water from her, she dipped puddles behind her as she walked up to the palace, throwing open the front doors. Expecting to see a room empty of people, she stopped in her tracks at the grey haired figure standing just inside. 

He turned. “Mermista. Finally.” 

She swallowed. Maybe she should have lingered longer at Bright Moon. “Dad. What are you doing here?”


	6. Fire Down Below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Sea Hawk gets himself in a little bit of a situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter named for [Fire Down Below ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1Pqa2xd8SY)_(But one day later, I smelled smoke and Fire down below! / And all the men cried, save yer selves, the ship is gonna blow!)_

“It may have been naïve, but I thought we’d end up together eventually,” Sea Hawk said, laying with his back to the deck. He stared up at the empty night sky, so dark it seemed like it would consume him and his sadness whole. They had been docked in Salineas for hours already, and it felt crushing. He was all too aware that his princess was less than miles away, and despite that fact, he would not be going to see her. “It felt fated, like whatever happened in the meantime, we were still hurtling toward the inevitable happy ending.”

“Uh huh,” Falcon said, sounding disinterested as he took swig straight from the whiskey bottle. 

“Am I boring you?” Sea Hawk frowned.

“You’ve been talking about Mermista for _hours,”_ Falcon said, rubbing his forehead. “I get it, she was your great love, you lost her. It sucks, we’ve all been there, but this wasn’t exactly how I’d hoped to spend my first night in port.”

Sea Hawk’s heart fell a little more. He hated to let anyone down, and he was _not_ the type of person to accept being the party pooper. There had to be some way he could resuscitate this. The night was yet young.

An idea popped into his head, and he leaped to his feet. He had a talent for getting people out of boring situations. This would thrill both Falcon and himself, set their pulse’s racing, fill the night with not with nostalgia for relationships past, but with romantic adventure!

He swiped the bottle from Falcon’s hand. “Never fear, I’ll save this night!” 

“Sea Hawk!” Falcon yelled. He tried grab it back, but Sea Hawk danced out of his grasp. Tipping it over, Sea Hawk let the nearly full bottle of whiskey splash onto the deck. “That stuff’s not cheap!”

“Just money,” Sea Hawk said, tossing the empty bottle aside, grinning as he heard it shatter across the mast. There were more important things in life than money. Most things, in fact. “What’s money compared to adventure!” 

He pulled out his matches from his pocket, lighting up a handful at once. He let them tumble out of his hand down to alcohol-soaked planks below.

“What the f--” Falcon didn’t have time to finish the sentence before the puddles of alcohol went up with a _whoosh._

* * *

“And that’s why I’m hiding here in your fine establishment,” Sea Hawk finished telling the bartender. He’d taken shelter in the Hidden Cove, aptly since it was nearly impossible for non-locals to find the place, with the bar door hidden in a gnarl of corals in a back alley. “Turned out my fair traveling companion doesn’t share my appreciation for the artistry of a good inferno.”

People were far too attached to having their things not burn up. He’d grown to love these lands, but sometimes he missed home, where his first love had gasped in delight when he’d sent their toy boat up in flames.

“Is that you, Sea Hawk?” he heard a voice from behind him. 

Sea Hawk turned in stool to see, Amara, the sitting captain of Salinas' guard, leaning up against the end of the bar. Supposedly, she was one of Mermista’s closest friends. Although, not that he’d ever say it, but he wondered at that, considering that she'd left along with everyone else when the kingdom was collapsing. Some friends. Sure, Sea Hawk hadn’t been there either, until the end. Had anyone told Sea Hawk what was happening, he would have been there in a flash, “taking a break” be damned. 

“Oh, it’s you,” he said, turning back to the bar, so he wouldn’t have to look at the woman. 

He’d only formerly met the stocky woman a couple times before. But he’d never forget the last time they’d spoken. At the dolphin social, she’d been the one to tell him to leave and escort him out. He’d looked back at Mermista over his shoulder, even as Amara escorted him out with a firm grip, waiting for her to do something. But she didn’t. Amara hadn’t been terribly kind about the whole affair and had given him a stern talking to outside. She’d said things about “royal etiquette” and how the princesses’ escort should know better. He was making Mermista look bad in front of the whole kingdom, she’d said. But she understood, she’d told him, lip curling, it was too much to expect someone raised a commoner -- and a _pirate_ nonetheless -- to learn manners late in life. If Mermista knew what was best for her, she would lose him, or at least have the sense to stop bringing him to events like a legitimate suitor. 

“Here to see, Mermista, I assume.” Her voice was stony. 

“I’m trying to avoid her,” he hunched his shoulders together, wishing he could disappear. He couldn’t bear to admit that she’d been right all along. He almost whispered the next words, “With the breakup and all.” 

“Oh, so this is it, then,” He didn’t have to look over at her to know she was smiling. “She’s finally finished with you. ” 

It hurt more than Amara’s gloating tone to know that Mermista hadn’t even bothered to tell her friends about it. “She didn’t tell you.” 

“No. But we all knew it was going to happen again sooner or later. Anyway,” she drained the rest of her beer and turned to leave. “See you, Sea Hawk. Or. Probably not.” 

“Right,” he said, staring at the tragic reflection at the bottom of his empty glass. 

* * *

The only boat Sea Hawk found heading back to Seaworthy in the next month was the one Falcon was catching a ride back on. And considering that when Sea Hawk walked up to talk to the caption, Falcon had chased him down the docks a second time, screaming promises of vengeance, it seemed best they didn’t travel on the same boat anytime soon. A disappointing turn of events. 

So he was left the question of how to leave the stunning shores of Salineas. Sea Hawk didn’t currently have the funds for a new vessel, and he could hardly ask for his pay from the voyage he’d just half completed. 

There were two options, as he saw it. The first was to get a job in town, working on the dock’s probably and save up. But _saving,_ oh, that sounded terribly boring. And besides, he had a tendency of getting fired from mundane jobs when he tried to add a little excitement, to cut through the boredom of working on solid, unmoving land. From experience he knew even the most understanding employer tended to lose their patience after the third octopus incident. Which left him with only one viable plan.

Borrow a boat from the one person in town who would probably give one to him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
